Birthday Bitch

Mother,

It has come to my attention that you don't know what day my birthday is. I was, as you say, a "stray". Perhaps you have not considered that I was merely on walkabout, looking for a likely mark.

Funny how that worked out.

Let me take this opportunity to choose a date for YOU to celebrate ME.  I choose April 1.

That's correct, April Fools' Day. As a reminder that the universe loves to play a good prank. Joke's on you, Mother.

Now.. on to my demands. I will need a new bed, of course....

Here is one option for you. I'd like it in pink.

One of these Swarovski dog thrones would also do. In pink.

Were you aware Vivienne Westwood made dog clothes?

Now you are. Don't forget the bubbly.

A new collar, of course...

52 carats. Adequate.

And a house, because this place is fine for a greyhound. But for me? No.

Ah... much better. In pink.

Signed, 

Serafina

You Could Do Worse

Catholics,

I'm throwing my name in there, because that group of old farts doesn't have such a great track record.

My platform:
1. No more buggering little kids. You would have thought this was a no brainer.
2. Women in the priestesshood, obviously.
3. No marriage for clergy because we want these people to be happy, dammit. 
4. Forget this no meat on Friday business. I want to get my bacon on 7 days a week.
5. Birth control mandatory for the stoopid. The rest of you can breed responsibly if you want.
6. The hats and shoes can stay but that ROBE. Just... no.
7. I'm still sleeping in on Sundays so carry on without me.
8. Margaritas at the Vatican every Saturday night. We're getting a disco ball.

Signed,
Serafina