Everyone's a Critic

Thinking about watching some holiday movies with the family? Let me give you some opinions.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

A bunch of unsupervised children worship the ugliest tree ever.

I rate it 2 Dead Stuffies.

Elf

A grown man is raised on a diet of candy and sugar.

Against all odds he doesn't die of diabetes in childhood and goes on to save Christmas.

3 Dead Stuffies.

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer

Santa's Elves will not be selling out at Madison Square Garden, I guarantee that.

What a horrible band idea, anyway.

And doesn't that effeminate elf know that dentists have a high suicide rate?

Very confusing story. 1 Dead Stuffy.

A Christmas Story

Gratuitous Bunny Pajamas, and something about a porno lamp.

The dogs get the turkey in the end. 4 Dead Stuffies.

Babes In Toyland

Speaking of porn, this is not. Which is surprising, based on the title.

I didn't watch it. Zero Dead Stuffies.

The Santa Clause

Claus with an E added. Hilarity ensues.

Well, the Tool Man in a fat suit ensues. Also, ugly sweaters.

2 Dead Stuffies.

Frosty the Snowman

A talking snowman thinks its everyone's birthday. Stoopid.

1 Dead Stuffy.

Olive the Other Reindeer

I couldn't get past the idea that this dog wanted a JOB. At the NORTH POLE.

I want to put on a sweater just thinking about it.

0.5 Dead Stuffies.

Scrooged

I could watch Carol Kane smacking that guy around all day.

4 Dead Stuffies.

It's A Wonderful Life

Suicide is bad, kids.

2 Dead Stuffies.

Barbie Nutcracker

WTF???

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

EXCELLENT film, until they decided to pussify the green dude at the end.

4 Dead Stuffies.

Die Hard

Terrorists, explosions, bare feet on broken glass.

Best Christmas movie ever. Yippee ki-yay.

5 Dead Stuffies.

Happy Holidays, people.

Signed,

Serafina