Fight or Flight

I have often asked Anif to grant me wings, so I could reach the squirrels, and the birds, and all creatures that would fit in my mouth. As is my due.

This is not what I had in mind...

I see Mother has been to the dollar store again. Well, maybe this isn't so bad. Maybe I'm a sprite. Or a fairy. QUEEN OF THE FAIRIES. Yes...

Behold Titaniafina.

I will swoop down on my enemies from above, delivering wrath and certain death. 

Lizards will fear me. Birds will offer themselves up to me as sacrifice. 

Squirrel populations will be decimated.

Voles, moles, and other vermin will vanish from this earth.

Um... what is this?

MOTHER, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR. 

Remove this synthetic hair from my precious head immediately! 

Great! Now I have been seen. Well... Beaker can probably be trusted to keep his mouth shut. Unlike Cricket. 

I will forgive you if you take this off before HE sees it.

Dammit.

This isn't over, Mother. I demand justice. 

I DEMAND YOU MAKE AMENDS.

That will do nicely.

The DNA of Amazing

Dear Wisdom Panel,

I have recently discovered a document that was sent to Mother regarding my ancestry. Before I discuss my pending lawsuit for defamation of character, fraud, and assorted damages, Let's take a look at Exhibit A.

What is this "mixed breed" of which you speak? And what is this talk of crosses and mixes? And crosses crossed with mixes? I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW MY PEDIGREE IS IMPECCABLE.

Now.... Exhibit B.

CLEARLY YOUR MACHINERY IS FAULTY. This is not acceptable. Not acceptable AT ALL.

I have corrected your mistakes. You, as they say, are welcome.

Great Grandparents

 Granted, the griffin is a mythical creature... but I don't think I'm mistaken about this. 

Grandparents

 No questions? Excellent. Moving right along...

Parents

I might have used a bit of wishful thinking about my mother here... possibly.

But I'm spot on about daddy.

To sum up

Now.. about your page 2. I am giving you the most likely matches, based on certain feedback I have received. 

Watch your mail for a letter from my attorney, DNA shysters.

Signed,

Serafina