Snow Who?

Dear Walt,

Let's talk about this b.s. right here:

First of all, NOT A VIRGIN. You're not fooling anyone with that name, sister. Sorry.

Secondly, why was she happy to end up with this doofus?

Prince "Charming"

He's so bleh he is BORING HIMSELF. What does she see in him? What do any of these hapless females see in these princes anyway?

DUH.

Prince Eric. Not only is he apparently a zombie, he is into zoophilia. That, in case your Latin is rusty, means he WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH FISH. 

Yeah, I don't think you're safe either. Scuttle off before disaster strikes.

And ALADDIN. Well, let's just say you won't be able to un-see what I'm about to show you.

Told ya.

Plus, ol Snow White there was completely focused on the wrong guy. Let me break it down.

Just where do you think these very vertically challenged fellows were Heigh Ho-ing off to every day?

...sparkly...

That's right. THE MINES. Where bling comes from. The dwarves could have bought and sold that Charming if they wanted to. They just needed a manager. MISSED OPPORTUNITY.

That Queen should have zeroed in on that and not worried about "who is the fairest" and all that mess. Worry causes wrinkles, lady.

Plus, you shouldn't rely on a mirror to boost your self esteem. 

Anyway, all of this is finally leading up to my question. I did have one, you know.

Scroll down please....

Can I get you an apple?

Signed,

Serafina

p.s. Thank you to my style guru Nadia for the crown. I deserve it. Plus, she sent me this:

You gotta love her for this.

Trade Me At Your Peril

Dear Blue Buffalo,

Recently Mother opened a bag of your cat food (the indignity) and out fell a cat trading card. I don't think I need to tell you what a waste of cardstock THAT was. Who cares what Fluffy's favorite ratty toy is, or where his favorite place is to yak up a hairball. I've smelled that box, and let me tell you a cat is NOT worthy of adoration. Not.

I have graciously decided to create a new card for you, one that no one will every trade away. Behold.

I'm sure we can all agree this is an improvement. And to show how magnanimous I can be, I even created a card for Cricket.

You're welcome.

Signed,

Serafina